Should I stay or should I go?

How do you know when your marriage is over and you have had enough?  I remember asking a friend this who had been through a divorce and she replied

“When you have had enough you won’t even need to ask that question you will just know”.  And she was right.  Three months later I phoned my mum and said – “I have had enough I am finding a bedsit and moving our of our lovely new home this week”. Desperate measures back in the 1980’s and also not the norm.  I was the black sheep of the family and my parents had the job of phoning my two brothers to tell them.  It was the one and only time my dad phoned either of them to impart the news – very telling and a grave admission in those days.

But deciding on when enough is enough is a very hard decision – many thoughts flash through your mind, have I given it a fair chance, have I tried everything? am I being needy? Am I being unreasonable? And above all what will happen next…..

I tried everything, well I thought I had, buying books on falling out of love, can I live with someone I don’t love and even talking to all my friends.  Unfortunately back in the 1980’s we didn’t have the internet or access to the wealth of information there is today.  Let alone marriage counsellors or mediation.  Could my marriage have been saved had their been the resources I needed.  I will never know.

So how do you know when you have exhausted all avenues that your marriage is finally over?  If you are reading this then chances are you are going through your own marriage crisis and questioning if you too have had enough.  When is enough…. enough?

There are so many conflicting self-help books, information on the internet, marriage counsellors, mediators, friends who are only too willing to give their advice and even co-workers but at the end of the day you will know when you have tried everything and when the time is right to walk away.  The only question you have to ask yourself is “if I walk away now will I have any regrets, what have I left undone?”  If you think the answer is yes then it may not be the right time to leave and maybe you need to seek expert help.  However, if the relationship has been abusive and violent then it is always best to leave as soon as possible. If you are thinking that how hard it will be and what the effect it will have on your children, family and friends then it is time to address the situation.

Leaving is hard, painful, costly and very scary but the good news is that all this will end eventually you will move on with your life.  Enough with crying, enough with yelling at each other and enough of planning and thinking of ways to leave your ex………….  One has to decide there is no point in trying to save the marriage and nothing more will work.  When the time comes you will know when you have reached breaking point and say I have had enough!

Divorcing is hard but the good news is that it will end the constant crying, arguing, conflict, pain, fear and rejection that you face each day.  It is time to take control of your life and move on.

There is no magic formula and what you are about to go through is going to be hard, painful and at times very scary but eventually you will come out the other side and move on with your life.

It is the regrets and sadness that will initially play on your mind but one day you will look back and think of the happy times you had and don’t forget at one time you were in love with this person and shared some amazing experiences, times, thoughts and secrets with all the hopes in the world.

Maybe it wasn’t all bad but nothing lasts forever.